Writing it all out

So, some of you may know that for the past, oh I don't know 7 months, Colin and I have been trying to get pregnant, with no success. For those who didn't, now you do.  This has been one of the hardest trials for me thus far in my 20 years. Month after month of disappointment. The months that I get some symptoms that turn out to be nothing but hormonal/bodily changes are the worst. I've gotten to the point that I can't even read any posts, blogs, emails, etc from my friends about their baby luck without getting depressed and crying (so for those of you who are pregnant that's why you never hear from me, nothing personal). Now, I'm not writing this to get sympathy or to complain, it is just so much harder to deal with when close to no one knows the journey I am on right now. Mainly though I am doing this for myself. To get all of my feelings out in front of me so I can read them and let them go. Sometimes you just need to write it all out to get it off your mind and begin to relax. If this continues by the time we have some money together (very soon!) I will go to the doctor about it. Hopefully whoever I see can give me some answers. I have been mostly successful at realizing that this is all in the Lords hands and even though I feel like it is time, the Lord may have other things in mind. I've prayed, every day for this. 11:11 rolls around I wish for it. Most of my time in the Temple is spent praying for this. I know that  Colin and I are ready, or else we wouldn't have agreed to start trying in the first place. I know that going to school and being a mom will be hard, but I know I can do it. All that is left is to have faith that whatever the Lord knows is best for us will happen when it is the right time.